MemeMachineGo!

While not about writers or writing, this has obvious application:

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

And an explanation of its origin:

...the version that's up at all these sites is from the original email that I sent to seven or eight close friends back when I was in grad school. I had no idea it had ever leaked out from this circle and become an anonymous meme that's still filling up four pages of Googlesearch seven or eight years after the fact.

I'm glad I didn't sign my own name to it before I fired it off to my slovenly friends and their quivering, amoral F-button fingers. Jesus. Talk about having my paranoid pseudonymizing instincts vindicated in spades.

(Via leuschke.org)