MemeMachineGo!

Try the World's Only Ass-Kicking Machine. Check out its full technical details.

The design is simple and rugged. A six-foot waterwheel is cut from thick plywood and equipped with vanes that are driven by a stream of water falling from above. The water is contained in an underground tank and driven by a 110v submersible electric pump up to a water valve and sluice, thus, this is an "overshot wheel" type ass-kicker. The valve controls the water flow, and after driving the wheel, the water drains back into the underground tank. Water level is maintained by rainwater collected from an adjoining gazebo roof.

The actual ass-kicking is done by a seven-foot length of 2"x4" lumber with a hub at the center, driven by a 1" steel driveshaft that is concentric with the drive wheel. At each end of the 2x4, there's a used green suede tennis shoe tacked to a piece of lumber.