I put a hold on Dan Brown’s Angels & Demons, forerunner of The Da Vinci Code, at the Berkeley Public Library a long time ago — if I recall correctly, mine was the 54th hold on the book.
My turn finally came, and though I’m still finishing my Hugo and Retro-Hugo reading, I began reading it.
70 pages in, and it’s going back unfinished. Spoilers (for the first 70 pages, but, trust me, the book comes pre-spoiled) below:
Problem the first: imagine you’re the director of CERN. You find one of your physicists murdered, the word “Illuminati” branded on his body, and one of his eyes missing. You know the physicist had installed a retinal scan lock on his lab.
Do you…
a) Call the police, and contact your internal security so that they can contain the killer if he or she is still on the premises, begin to look for signs of intrusion, and post a guard on the physicist’s lab?
or
b) Look up “Illuminati” on the web, and finally have a Harvard symbologist flown in from Boston because he seems a credible reference on the subject, while keeping the murder secret and letting the trail go cold?
‘cause you’ve got to swallow b) just to get the first few pages in.
Then, having flown the symbologist in, shown him the body, and insisted that the missing eye is relevant, do you
a) explain that the physicist had a retinal scanner on his lab?
or
b) withhold the information for absolutely no reason other than to create a cheap cliffhanger, which any reader with any experience in reading espionage novels has already gotten, leaving him or her in the painful position of waiting for the protagonist to catch up?
Since I don’t presume my readers are idiots, I think you already know the answer to that one.
Speaking of cheap cliffhangers, Brown attempts to end each chapter with one, a technique typical of thrillers. For instance:
Langdon peered into the study and immediately felt his skin crawl. Holy mother of Jesus, he said to himself.
What could it be?! Keep in mind, this is from a man who’s just seen a mutilated corpse. After a short chapter set elsewhere, we find out… it’s a room decorated with a mixture of religious and scientific motifs, including a painting of the Virgin Mary. Yeah, that’d make anyone’s skin crawl.
Then came the killer…
We find out that the dead physicist had created anti-matter. The director is awestruck. This is submitted as proof that the physicist had succeeded in creating matter from nothing.
Anti-matter was first detected in 1932. Scientists have been creating it since 1955.
Yet Brown’s fictitious director of CERN says of anti-matter, “The substance you’re referring to only exists elsewhere in the universe. Certainly not on earth. And possibly not even in our galaxy!” Another physicist claims they are the first specimens of anti-matter.
And that’s when I threw this dishonest book across the room. (Figuratively — like I said, it’s a library book.)