MemeMachineGo!

My flight home from my Xmas travels was purchased with frequent flier miles. For whatever airline pricing logic reason, first class and coach cost the same number of miles. So, for the first time ever, I flew first class.

I will now sound like the rubiest rube to ever fall off a turnip truck.

We were seated first, of course, and could get comfortable while everyone else was still milling about at the gate. There was no concern about whether there'd be space for my carry-on bags. A flight attendant asked if he could check my coat.

The seats are as much better than coach as they always looked. There's elbow room, leg room, and you can actually make it through the flight without touching your neighbor. I could cross my legs. The person on the inside could get past the person on the outside as easily as at a decent movie theatre.

There seemed to be two flight attendants assigned just to the 16 of us in first class. Before lunch, one of them came through with hot towels to wipe our hands with. Then we were asked about salad dressing and whether we'd like the seafood appetizer for the first course. They were served with real metal silverware.

We had a choice of three things for the meal, one of which was vegetarian. In coach, your choice was a turkey sandwich.

For the first time ever on a plane, I didn't have my own water but remained adequately hydrated, because they kept offering us drinks. They served them in real glasses, about twice the volume of the plastic cups in coach.

The dedicated bathroom meant no line. But it wasn't any different from a coach bathroom (and even with only the few of us, it was kind of nasty by the end of the flight.)

Another lack of difference from coach was that the entertainment options were the same fixed programming on the same crappy little lcd screens hanging from the ceiling, too close or too far for half of everyone. I watched an episode of "Big Bang Theory" and otherwise stuck to reading and a crossword puzzle.

In what seemed almost like a parody of what one might imagine first class to be, the flight attendants came through and took ice cream sundae orders. It wasn't an especially good sundae, but like the dog walking on his hind legs, you are surprised to find it done at all.

Toward the end, my jacket was returned to me, and we were first off.

I hadn't realized it for a while, but across the aisle from me was Lewis Black, off to do a New Year's Eve show in San Rafael.

I figured it would make flying suck less. The big surprise was that it made flying not suck.

Pity I'm not rich and it's back to coach for me.